Wasted Tears
by RainbowDays
Summary: Her nightmares worsen each night, until one day, they become a reality. Markl disappears without a trace. Will they ever be able to find him? *ON TEMP. HIATUS*
1. Chapter 1: Nightmares Begin

**I apologise for the masses of fluff, but I couldn't resist for an opening chapter. HeHe :3**

Chapter 1

**Sophie**

His screams torment me. I'm running in a black void, unable to break free from the noise. "Howl!" I shout. He replies with another agonising cry of pain. Tears flow down my cheeks like a river, and my legs give out. I lay there, on nothing-ness, unable to move, unable to speak. I feel a warm comforting hand on my shoulder and my eyes fly open. I am not in the vast shadowy emptiness; I am in my room in bed, with a worried looking Howl next to me, his dark hair messy and his azure blue eyes mesmerising. "Sophie? Did you have a bad dream?" he soothingly asks. I feel the tears returning, and Howl pulls me into his arms as I cry into his chest. "It wasn't real, it wasn't real. I'm here, don't worry," he says. He strokes my hair softly and kisses my forehead. "Do you want to talk about it?" I manage to pull my face up to look at him.

"I couldn't find you. I was just running and I couldn't see anything. But I could hear you screaming," I choke out between sobs.

"It's fine now Sophie, it's okay, we're safe," he says. He lies down on his back and pulls me with him, cradling me in his arms. I lay my head on his chest, soothed by his calm breathing and the steady beat of his heart. "It's still the middle of the night, Sophie. Go back to sleep," he whispers. "I'll be here in the morning, I promise," reassured by his words, I drift off into sleep once more, hoping the dreams don't make reappearance and terrorise me again.

**Howl**

She wakes almost every night now. Some nights I wake to find her gone. But I soon find her on the balcony, staring into the night sky. "The dreams are getting worse, Calcifer" I say quietly, in fear of waking Sophie.

"I've noticed," he replies, a sour edge to his voice.

"I don't know what to do about them. A few nights ago when I woke up she was gone, and she wasn't on the balcony either. She was in her portal in the meadow."

"I can't help you Howl, I'm no expert on dreams,"

I hear soft footsteps on the stairs and turn to find a puffy eyed Sophie. "Howl?" She whispers. "I woke up and you were gone. I thought it was real, that they'd taken you," I walk over to her and wrap my arms around her waist.

"Come on," I say. "Calcifer, keep an eye on Markl if he wakes, we're going out," I grab a two blankets and we turn and walk to the portal as Calcifer mumbles something under his breath. Still clutching Sophie's waist, I open the door and step out into her meadow. The cool breeze weaves itself through my hair and I inhale deeply. The unclouded sky glitters with tiny points of light, and the moon illuminates the flowers on the emerald grass. I lead her over to a patch of bluebells, set out one of the blankets and sit on it. Sophie sits between my legs and rests her back against my stomach. I wrap my arms around her and rest my head on the top of hers. "This is nice," she says. She closes her eyes and leans her head against my neck and takes a deep breath. "I like being awake, with you here, free of the nightmares," I kiss her forehead and she sighs. She is so beautiful. "I love you," she whispers

"I love you," I murmur in return. She sighs again, opens her hazel eyes and looks at me. I lean in and kiss her, taking her face in my hands. Out here in this meadow, it couldn't be more of a perfect moment.

**Sophie**

I wake up alone in my room, with the smell of bacon and eggs wafting from downstairs, and the sound of Howl's voice. I sit up and rub my eyes. I come to the realisation of my dreams last night. I gasp. "Howl!" I yell, bounding down the stairs. I reach the bottom in record speed, and run straight into Howl's unprepared arms. I bury my face in his hair. "No nightmares," I say.  
"I know, you didn't wake up for the brief time you were asleep," he smirks at me, which sends a giggle bursting through my lips. He cradles my face in his hands and kisses me softly at first, but it builds. Calcifer coughs from the hearth and Howl and I look at him.  
"You guys have to stop doing that in front of me, it's disgusting," Calcifer retorts. This sends me into a fit of laughter, and Howl's breaks away from me to retrieve some plates and cups. I grab the frying pan from Calcifer and bring it to the table. Something nags at me. The fact that there is only two rashers of bacon and four eggs. I look at Howl with curiosity. "Didn't you cook anything for Markl?" I ask.  
"He's out, he said he's already eaten and he was in a hurry," he replies as I dish out the steaming hot breakfast.  
"Did he say where he was going?"  
"Said he was out to get some groceries because we were running low on potatoes," that was true, we did need to go out, but I'd planned for me and Markl to go this afternoon. I think nothing of it. He is always so considerate, must not want me to trouble myself by going out. I take my plate out onto the balcony and Howl follows. We sit and eat in the dazzling morning sunshine. I don't think I could get any happier than this.


	2. Chapter 2: Missing

**After lots and lots of scraping and re-doing this chapter, I finally settled on this. Criticism in reviews= accepted. Enjoy! :3**

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**Chapter 2**

**Missing**

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**Sophie**

He hasn't come back yet. When he left, it was barely dawn. Now, the sun has slipped past the horizon, and the stars are making appearances, but he still hasn't stepped through the portal. I worriedly glance at the door while Howl sits beside me, his arms around my shoulders. My cream-and-roses dress is ruffled and creased, and my silver hair is a mess, similar to my mood. "Howl," I say." I think we should go looking for him," I stare at him while he gazes around the room. He looks at his hands and sighs.

"You're right, Sophie. I'll go," he says. His usual white shirt has been replaced with a pale grey one, and, for the first time since his hair turned black, he has on his coat. I do love that coat. But as his words sink in, I understand the reality of what he just said.

"_You'll_ go? Howl, I'm coming with you, this is Markl we're talking about!" I stand up as I shout, and he releases his arms. He stands too, but only so he is taller and can look more domineering. He places his hand firmly on my shoulders.

"No, Sophie. You are staying here. I can't have you out there where you could get hurt." He turns and eyes Calcifer doubtfully. "Plus, we can't leave Calcifer alone," he strides to the portal, but I catch his arm.

"No, Howl. I am coming with you. Calcifer won't be alone, he has the Witch!"

"Yes, but she isn't really in control of her mental faculties right now, is she?" With those words, I realise that he is about to walk through that portal, whether I agree or not.

"But what if something happens to you? What if my dreams are something real, Howl?" this takes him by surprise. His eyes drop to the floor, and I release his arm. "I have to come with you. _I_ need to protect _you_, just as you do with me. Howl, I love you, and you can't expect me to just sit around while you're out there by yourself. I'm coming. End of story." I can feel tears sting my eyes, and he looks up and cups my face in his warm hands.

"I can't lose you Sophie." He kisses me. It's sweet, and he's using it to convince me not to go.

"I can't lose you either. But this is Markl. I'm coming with you," he looks my straight in the eyes.

"See you soon," he flies out of my grasp and through the portal, the door slamming shut behind him.

"NO!" I scream. I run to the door, only to find that I can't open it. No matter how hard I try, it will not budge. _The balcony_, I think. But even that door is locked. The tears fall, and I can't seem to stop crying. But this is not a time to do nothing. "Calcifer!" I yell. "Open these doors! I have to help find Markl!" I descend the stairs, and move straight to the fireplace, where the demon is hiding behind a charred log.

"I can't Sophie. I'm not doing it, it's Howl's magic that's keeping the doors closed. Not me," he says timidly. He seems scared. I feel my face flush scarlet with anger. "He's only doing it to protect you, Sophie. You would do the same, if you were in Howl's position," I digest his words. No, I wouldn't want Howl to come with me, where he could get hurt. He left me here so I would be safe. I just hope his judgement is sane.

**Howl**

My eyes scan the sleeping town as I soar high above. Nothing seems out of the ordinary; just another town, blissfully unaware of the dangers lurking in the clouds. They sit there watching me fly, doing nothing. I never expected Suliman to let the monsters out after the war. I decide to land on the roof of the half rebuilt hat shop that Sophie used to work in. Sophie. I bet she's trying to find a way to escape. I had to do it. I couldn't live with myself if she got hurt, or worse. I don't let myself think of the consequences. The heart on my chest grows heavier each moment I think of her. She won't forgive me for what I've done. Something pulls me from my thoughts. Wheels crunching along the rough gravel path. "I never thought I'd see your face again, Howl," a harsh voice calls from behind me. I turn slowly, anticipating an attack.

"Likewise, Madame Suliman," I say, a mocking edge to my voice. She's alone, no servant at her side, which is odd. Come to think of it, she never really leaves the palace.

"So, Howl, what might you be doing out of doors at such a late hour, hmm?" she questions.

"I could ask you the same thing,"

"Well, I wanted a midnight stroll," she laughs at her own weak joke, and it manages to coax a smile out of me. "How's Sophie?" When she mentions her name, it brings on a fresh wave of guilt, threatening to send me back to the castle and bring her with me.

"She's good. She's at home, asleep," I say.

"Is that why you're out? Because she doesn't know? I'd bet she wouldn't let you if she did," I can't deny that her words have some element of truth. I smile a little, thinking of the hissy fit she'd pull if I did. "You still haven't answered me on why you're out, so please Howl, enlighten me,"

As much as this woman scares me, I can't lie to her. "I'm searching for someone," I say. I only just notice the quiet in the town. It's like no one lives here.

"Oh, that is unfortunate. May I ask whom it is you are searching for?" she eyes me doubtfully, but she looks concerned. I pause for a long moment, unwilling to give the information to her.

"Markl," I say quietly. I look down at my shoes. She doesn't speak. The silence is cut of by a bird calling in a nearby tree. It reminds me of Sophie's melodious singing while she dances around in her meadow.

"Little Markl is missing?" her voice catches on the last word. "When?"

"This morning. But I didn't think he was missing until he never came home from buying groceries for Sophie. So I came looking for him," I say. I branch out, searching for any traces of his magic. I find nothing, other than my castle, which is hundreds of miles away in the Waste. Suddenly, I feel Madame Suliman's magic sweep the area aswell, which takes me by surprise. _Why is she trying to find Markl?_


	3. Chapter 3: Hopes and Dreams

**Hey guys!**

**Super duper sorry I took so long to publish this chapter! I was like ERMAHGERD WRITERS BLOCK for ages.**

**Hope you like it!- CDA**

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**Chapter 3**

**Hopes and Dreams**

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Sophie

I haven't moved from the same spot on the couch since my failed attempts at leaving the castle. Calcifer sleepily lounges behind a singed piece of wood, burning it up slowly. Tears keep rolling down my cheeks in a river. No door has opened. No Howl or Markl has stepped through the threshold. The thought brings a new wave of tears flooding to my eyes. "Sophie," a familiar deep voice calls from behind me. I whirl around, and see Howl, with Markl at his side. "You're back," I whisper. Markl runs to my side and I hug him tightly, as if something is going to take him away again. "You're safe," I say. Howl walks over and puts his arms around us.

"We're back," He murmurs. As I revel in the warmth of the hug, Howl pulls away. Suddenly, they begin getting dragged away by some unseen force. A scream escapes their lips as they are pulled from my grasp. I can't move. I'm pinned to the wall by a shadow as Howl is hauled away from me once more. The portal opens, and they disappear, just like they did yesterday. "Howl! Markl!" I scream at the top of my lungs. Their tortured screams are all I get in return. The air drains from my body, and I begin to feel light headed. I see the floor racing up to meet me before it all goes black.

My eyes fly open, greeted by the warm morning sun streaming through the open curtains. The nightmares are back. As I pull the covers off my legs and shakily place my feet on the cold wooden floor, I realise I'm still in my day dress, now even more crumpled than the night before. I'm still shivering from the horror of my dream. _Take a bath, Sophie. It might calm you down a little_, I think to myself. Yes, a bath. The warm water feels like satin on my skin, and I sink into its tranquil protection. After what seems to be a lifetime, I step out of the water and dry my soaked hair with a towel. _Clothes_, I think. I open up the grand wardrobe that takes up a large amount of mine and Howl's room, and stare blankly at the pretty dresses. For a strange reason, I don't want to wear a dress. I want something I can run great distances in, something I can move in with ease. I spot a set of tight fitting blue trousers, a pair of soft leather boots and cream long sleeved blouse. I pull on the clothes and move over to the mirror on the back of the door. The girl who stares back at me barely resembles the woman I was two days ago. Her hazel eyes are dark and full of sadness, with puffy red blotches surrounding them. Her face is pale, almost as if the happiness she bore days earlier had been pulled from her body. My hand reaches the door handle of my room and as I pull it open, familiar voices float up the stairs. "You didn't find him, so your solution was to ask Madame Suliman to help you?" says Calcifer in a reproachful tone.

"What other option did I have, Calcifer? I searched everywhere. And I mean everywhere. I haven't slept at all for these two days," Howl replies. Howl. It takes a moment for the puzzle pieces to fit together. He's back. I sprint down the old timber stairs as fast as my weak legs can manage. Howl's sat with his back to me on the salmon coloured couch. He hears me descend and stands to greet me. Flying into his arms, the longing of the torturous hours pass. "Howl," I say, "You're ok. You're here,"

"I'm here. I missed you," he murmurs softly into my ear. He leaves a trail of kisses from my temple down my cheeks which are now saturated with tears of joy. His lips find mine and he snakes his arms around my waist, pulling me close to him and holding me tightly. My hands move to his raven hair, twisting it through my fingers. It's electrifying to feel him so close to me after so long a time wondering where he was and if he was hurt. After a long while, he pulls away and kisses my forehead, cupping his hands around my face.

"I missed you too," I whisper. "You didn't find him?"

He looks at me with a pleading expression, then drops his eyes and says "No, I didn't. I didn't find any traces of him either; it was like he'd vanished into thin air," more tears sting my eyes, but they aren't joyous ones.

"We can't stop looking Howl. Go and get cleaned up while I make you some breakfast. You look tired," I say. He kisses me once more and climbs the stairs to the bathroom. I let out a puff of air and lean on the table.

"We will find him, Sophie. You know we will," says Calcifer in an attempt to make me feel better. I can't find the right words to reply, so I don't. I grab the frying pan from the cupboard along with two plates and two sets of knives and forks. As I lay the last knife down, a wave of nausea hits me suddenly. I clamp my hand over my mouth, drop the frying pan on the floor and move as quickly as I can to the sink. "Sophie?" Howl calls from the bathroom as I vomit the contents of my empty stomach into the porcelain bowl. I hear Howl's soft footsteps padding across the room, and he put a cool hand on the back of my neck and holds my hair out of my face as I retch again. "Sophie, are you alright?" he asks, his voice full of concern.

"I'm fine Howl. It must have been something I ate last night," I lie. I haven't eaten since the night he left.

"Are you sure? Do you want me to cook breakfast?" The sickness past as quickly as it came, and I felt fine. Just a little hungry.

"No, I'll do it. You go finish in the bathroom," I turn around, and he pulls me to his bare chest. All he has on is a towel. It reminds me of the day when his hair turned orange, and he was sat on the chair in that same towel. It brings a smile to my lips. He pulls away, and heads back up the stairs. I pick up the frying pan from the floor and wipe it with a dishcloth. My breathing quickens as I realise what had made me throw up. That night almost a month ago…

I can't tell him. Not until we find Markl. He can't be worrying about it when he already worries about me so much. And if he did find out, he would never let me go with him to find Markl.

What am I going to do?


	4. Chapter 4: Secrecy

**Okay, so it's been a really long time since I updated this chapter. I've been busy with the begining of school and I seem to have a serious case of writers block. This chapter has been sitting in my computer for a while, so I dusted it off, Polished it up, and here it is. **

**Enjoyyy :D**

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**Chapter 4- Secrecy**

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Sophie

His raven hair falls messily over his face. He'd gone to bed as soon as he got out of the bath, trying to get as much sleep as possible before heading out again. I sit beside him on the bed, and move a strand of his hair from his face, brushing lightly against his soft ivory skin. He stirs, breathing in deeply, before sighing and rolling onto his back. Time is short, I have to leave now before he wakes. Taking one last look at my beautiful Howl, I open our bedroom door as quietly as I can manage, and creep down the dark wooden stairs. Calcifer is barley a spark in the grey stone hearth asleep surrounded by ash. I leave a few more logs for him when he wakes, so he won't burn out.

"Sophie dear," a soft voice calls from the dining table. I turn to see the Witch of the Waste with her cane leaning on the table, and a mahogany pipe in her hand. She looked down at the pipe blew out rings of grey smoke. A stale silence hung in the air as I looked at the aged woman sat in the small oak wood bench. Heen crawled out from underneath the table, huffing and wheezing as he moved. His eyes drooped sleepily as he dragged himself to the witch's side. Was she going to tell Howl? Was he going to stop me from going, like he did before? "Go," The Witch says. "I won't tell him. Go find Markl," her eyes were heavy with sadness, and they bore the same look of desperation as mine and Howl's. I nodded, thankful that she wasn't opposed to my plan. I walked silently towards the door, turned the handle to what used to be my flower shop, and stepped out into the cool midnight air.

**Howl**

She runs in graceful bounds through the long grass. Rainbows of flowers sway in the thick jade tresses. Her strapless ivory dress comes to just above her knees, flowing behind her like a cape. Her short silver hair wildly moves with the wind, twisting a turning in every direction imaginable. She turns to me, a great smile on her face, and laughs with joy. Markl runs ten bounds ahead of her, giggling with delight. Sophie soon catches him, picking him up from the ground, causing him to laugh even harder. She sets him down on the grass as a little chocolate brown haired child runs past my legs, towards Sophie. "Good morning sweetheart," she says to the child, Kissing her softly on the cheek.

"Morning mommy," the girl replies. Sophie turns to me and walks over, her starlight hair bobbing as she moves. She wraps her slender arms around my waist and sighs.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you," she says. I look at her with a confused expression.

"Tell me what, love?" I reply. The two children chase each other happily on the grass, laughing and screaming with joy.

"That we have a daughter,"

My eyes flash open. The silvery moon, clearly visible though the open window, reminds me of Sophie's short tresses. A cool breeze blows in, sending a shiver down my bare chest. I pull myself from the bed and put my elbows on my knees. I turn to look at Sophie, only to find that there Is an empty space beside me. _It's okay, _I think. _She's just downstairs._ I trudge down the stairs, feeling the after effects of the 48 hours of sleepless searching. The witch is asleep on the large dining bench, holding the dark wood pipe loosely in her wrinkled hand. I turn to the couch, hoping to see Sophie's slivery locks, but once again find an empty space. "Sophie?" I call up the stairs. Calcifer stirs in the hearth, his sleepy eyes drooping. "Calcifer, where's Sophie?" I ask the little demon.

"I thought she was upstairs with you," he replies sleepily, picking up a log from next to him clumsily.

"Sophie?" I call again, louder.

No response. It suddenly dawns on me that she's gone out, to find him while I was sleeping so she wouldn't have to face me saying no to her again. I shoot upstairs; grab a white shirt and black trousers, along with my jacket and my brown faded leather boots. I pull them on as I hop down the stairs.

"Where are you going now Howl?" Calcifer questions.

"I didn't want her to go out the first time because I didn't want her in danger. I can't be worried about both her and Markl at the same time; I wouldn't be able to think clearly," I say, a sour edge to my voice.

"Sophie can take care of herself, Howl. She's not the timid little mouse you met two years ago anymore,"

"I don't care, I won't have her out there where she could get hurt, or worse," My voice catches on the last word. I dare not think of the latter of the scenarios. "I'm going to find them. I'm not coming back until I do,"


	5. Author's Note

I am having so much trouble trying to write chapter five.

I don't think I have ever experienced a case of writer's block as bad as this. So, I need your help.

I need a little inspiration, something to give me a kick so I can begin writing. PM me, leave your ideas in a review, I don't care.

It would really make me happy guys.

~Rain.


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